Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Charting a new course

There was a time when I thought I wanted to become a supermodel.  I signed up for classes at a modeling school in Dallas, paid lots of money to build a portfolio, and joined other wannabes for a competition in Los Angeles.  Many agencies from all over the world converged on this event to discover their next major talent.  There was adequate interest in me, and their message was always the same: get more pictures!  Back in Dallas, I began saving money for the next investment in my portfolio.

I dreamed of fame, of living a lifestyle completely different from my ho-hum suburban childhood.  But life has a way of telling you when you're on the wrong path and it's time to reroute your life.  Somehow I had picked up the wrong map and was headed toward a destination that, once I reached it, would be an insurmountable disappointment.  The money would have been nice, though.  (Ha!)  Perhaps I could have found the strength to muddle through crash-dieting (if I were allowed to eat at all!), or being treated like a mannequin with a pulse.  And then used my wealth and influence to affect positive changes in the world?  Probably not.  It's not in my nature to force myself to do things I don't want to do.  Quickly I realized I would never, ever feel like I was realizing my truest dreams by entering into the world of high-fashion modeling.  Good thing: my body type was not in great demand.

Fast-forward twenty years.  I'm finding myself rethinking my course -- I have been for a few years -- and finally I think I'm coming up with some answers.  Unlike my first real detour (from modeling), I'm not making a radical change; I'm only expanding on my current occupation.  I don't need to quit NativeDave.com, I just need to grow my role larger and in the right direction.  Right, as in it will make me happier by allowing me to create, to do the most good for our family, the business and the planet.  I have to write, have plentiful time with my family, and feel like I'm making a positive impact on my global community.  Otherwise, it's just a job to me, and that will not be fulfilling.

So how do I achieve this ideal?  First, I have to simplify my living arrangements.  That process is currently underway.  Second, I have to streamline the business so that my daily round consists of less minutiae and more meaningful and creative projects.  Third, I need a schedule, despite my distaste for rigidity.  In order for me to have time to chase my dreams, I need to allot time each day for ME.  It's there, I just need to harness it.  And make sure David sets aside that time to take over as Sage's caregiver.  I cherish every moment I have with her -- reading, climbing, exploring our imagination, learning about ourselves and the world around us.  However, in order for me to continue growing, to be the best Me I can be, I need a sliver of time each day to learn.  To create, to dream.  Next, I need to nurture my soul and worship my body.  Eat well, meditate, and exercise are integral to my happiness and creative inspiration.  Finally, I need hugs.  From my husband, from Sage, even from Folsom the Stinky Dog.  As long as I know my family supports and respects my dreams, I will have the courage to continue my journey. 

My journey is putting me back on-track, down the path I was meant to travel and toward the authentic Me.

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